So yeah I said I don’t have much to say so that means that this will be a long post lol
Just a couple hours left to finish my 2 loads of laundry before I go pick up my fiance from the hospital for her weekend pass again. Then I have to take her to her lawyers and her fathers bank. Her aunt is going to help her only because it will be all in french so I won’t be able to help.
Remember back in December when I lost my ring? well I found it. The night before I dropped my lip balm and it rolled under the bed. When I bent down to look for it I found the small white fan that we couldn’t find at the start of the summer. The next night I just decided to look under the bed and right there where it should have been when I dropped it in december was the ring. We had moved the bed then, vacuumed and I really thought it was lost forever. It must have been caught up with the fan or the bag of US pennies. No idea, ut it has been found.
Discovered how lonely I am. I have tried to talk to people the past week and just feel like I am just disturbing people or maybe they don’t want to talk to me…with the exception on my mother who when I was talking to her on the phone continued to interrupt me and cut me off when I was speaking. UGH. No wonder why I text her usually. I’m positive tha if I am ever single again I won’t meet anyone and will die alone.
I am not snubbing my daughter but just don’t feel like being her chauffeur again. She asked me to go to Value Village this morning but just wasn’t in the mood. I do want to go but I guess I want to purge more stuff before I go.
OK back to laundry and coffee
So the end of my holidays are in sight. In a mere two weeks I have to go back to the idiots at work. It doesn’t seem like I have done anything fun for myself during this time. Sure I went to Toronto, but that was more for my daughter.
Might of mentioned this in my last post, but I. All alone this week. My daughter is seeing her grandmothers and my fiancé is in the hospital again for mental health reasons. To be honest I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship at all and makes me feel lonely. I have tried making new friends but that’s one thing I’ve always sucked at doing.
So today I was told I don’t have to visit her since she was home all weekend. So would be the perfect time for me to do something to do what I wants….but what.. I thought about a visit to the war museum, but it’s like $20 to get in plus parking. I know my oldest is working today at the mall (she has many jobs) and that will cost me money too, but at least I will hopefully look good lol.
I know my posts are all over the place like a squirrel crossing the road, so I do apologize for that .
What really irks me is when I see couples walking together happily, and you j is they are couples cause they are holding on to each other. I miss that since it’s been a long time since mine would even hold my hand. 🙁
Ok time for another coffee and then get ready to do something (something fun).
No idea why I woke so early this morning. I mean it’s the middle of my vacation: 2 weeks down and 2 to go and to be honest I am not having a great time. With the exception of going to Toronto, I really haven’t done anything fun to write home about and even the quick visit to Toronto was just OK.
So I have to bring my fiance back to the hospital this afternoon/evening at some point, This is where the fun really begins for me as I will be left all alone this week. I wonder if I will actually get to do anything I want to…like go to a museum or do some shopping on my own,,,heck even go out to supper by myself (unless I am daring enough to invite someone lol) – not going to happen as I don’t have the confidence to, nor am I interested enough in anyone who is interested in me. So looks like I will be spending the week mostly alone except for the hospital visits.
No idea what’s up with the strange dreams recently. They all seem so real, then I wake and realize they were only just a dream. One dream I had received a message from someone who used to be special, and when I woke and checked my phone there was no message. Another dream I had moved back into a house I lived in with my ex, only with someone new and I commented “are you sure you want to live here in a house that my ex and I lived in”.
Well back to my new scheduled mundane week
So crazy comes home for the the weekend. I am sure it will help her until she has to go back Sunday. It’s funny how everyone is looking out for her but no one is looking out for me. I have to admit it’s hard having to deal with everything on my own.
Even with my fiancé here I feel lonely. I try and talk to more laundry and relax for a little (yeah right).
So for tos whom have paying attention recently, my fiance has been suffering from mental illness sine last year. She was in the hospital in January/February this year suffering from depression and anxiety. Recently she’s been worse; acting confused and disoriented and her cognitive skills are off. When we were speaking to the nurse last night I felt like I was bashing her by telling the nurse everything she was and wasn’t doing. It may have sounded mean to me, but it had to be done. No idea how long she will be in for but and this is a selfish statement basically ruins the rest of my vacation.
So week one of four of my holidays are done. This was the important part as I went to Toronto wth my youngest daughter and between shopping and the hotel came close to a grand (ouch). At least I did buy a shirt for myself and a boba fett Christmas ornament. There are 3 pending charges that I’m waiting to see if they go through or not before I’ll complain to the hotel and ask for my money back. Only then I will give my review about the Double Tree hotel in Mississauga.
Let be this I get home after driving all day and have to take the fiancé and my daughter out to supper AGAIN. It’s bad enough she didn’t do anything around the house while I was away then to expect this. I really think she’s getting worse though.
So for the first time in like forever I went out last night saw a few people I haven’t see in ages and unfortunately didn’t see some I wanted to see. Oh well I went out on my own. My knees/legs were killing me though. I really hope they feel better soon I did have a dream the other night I was running lol.
Time to rest for a bit before I have to make or buy supper. Cause you know I have to do every fucking thing around here
So I swear I do it to myself, and the worst part is I’m only trying to make friends so it’s really bad that I’m friend zoned in friends. All I really want is more friends. .