So it’s another early morning awake. Had some weird/interesting dreams that almost seemed real. Maybe that would explain my disappointment that I felt.
So yeah, I don’t know if anyone read what I wrote last night, but I am not happy. Not happy with where I am in life, not happy with what I am doing, not happy with a lot of things and something has got to change or I’ll crack; and that’s not a good thing.
A few of my friends online were talking about 50th birthday parties they are planning. I didn’t have a party, no one planned one for me. Fuck I didn’t even go out for supper cause I felt so down about no one doing anything for me. Unfortunately I started thinking that in the middle of the day and just felt incredibly sad. It’s just after that I realized that I have to live my life the way I want or I will never be happy. So that’s the plan today to do at least one thing that MAKES ME HAPPY. Hopefully not something that’s not going to cost money as I am the the sole “bread winner” for the time being. And buying these lottery tickets aren’t paying off; maybe tonight though…or next weekend.
No one at work noticed my new tattoo. I mentioned it to one and they just didn’t seem to give a fuck (I swear too much-sorry). I do have my next 3 tattoos planed though, but not telling as I don’t know when I am getting them, and of course it now it all comes down to money.
Well go thats off my shoulder now so may as well start some laundry, have more coffee and plan my day.
Wow so here it is April 16th and we have a snow day. Well more of a freezing rain day. Buses are cancelled. Since the sidewalks here and parking lot is all ice covered I’ve decided to stay home too as my balance isn’t back to normal yet (still may be more than than I would like). Personally I don’t care that I don’t go.
Someone wanted me to drive to Rockland today, but if buses aren’t moving there’s no way I am either.
What really sucks though is that none of my shows were on last night so have nothing to watch.
Now to keep myself occupied and sane today with everyone home today; wish me luck.
So I used to have an app on my desktop for a short cut to WordPress so I wouldn’t have to use a browser, but I some how removed it and I can’t find it on the Microsoft store anymore. But at least I can still post this way.
Looks like we’re suppose to be hit by a HUGE snowstorm this weekend. Hopefully, I (or we) can still go out and do something fun/interesting at least.
I received my yearly insurance statement yesterday and am debating whether to pay it now or later. Maybe now, just to get it done. The next thing I will have to worry about is my (our) taxes. I hope I won’t have to pay and if I do, it’s not too much.
Oh I tried to have fun and chat with a friend on Facebook. Its more like they were an acquaintance, and weren’t really into chatting with me. So much for trying not to feel lonely. I should keep trying and not get so discouraged.
OK time to go caffeinate and do some laundry (yay, clean sheets tonight).
So yeah, I have no idea why but it seems liked all my happiness has been sucked out of me. I dread waking up on days off, I read coming home at night I just dread having something to say and saying it to hopefully have some sort of conversation or reaction but I get neither. Seriously they key to my heart is not food or coffee, it’s conversation. I engage her with things she wants to talk about so where is mine? 😦
Sorry just another one of my little rants.
I do have more rants about other things like the press, repetitive news and etc and so on.
Going to go do something to hopefully amuse myself….maybe I’ll go to bed lol
Well its now April and I have only worked a month and a week so far this year. I was either off sick, on bereavement leave or using p vacation time. Hopefully the next time I am off for a lengthy amount of time will be my vacation.
No idea what I will be doing this weekend, as someone is sick and I do not want to sit at home watching TV all day or worse movies that I don’t really have an interest in. Oh great sounds like she up before I am done so will have to cut this short unless I want her reading over my shoulder…more later,
<added afterwards>So managed to do a couple things that I’ve wanted to do but couldn’t either because I couldn’t walk around that much with a cane in IKEA and the other was get my 8th tattoo of some ravens (hope I remember to post a pic of it).
Hopefully tomorrow morning or sometime I’ll be able to get my hair cut as it has been a while. Hopefully there will be some of the younger staff there, as I do not like the older ones (plus they do not speak English that well – so it’s a communication thing).
Bought a new lamp at IKEA and not really sure I like it; only cause the base is so big. I guess with everything i will get used to it.
Now that’s all
Seriously this must be a joke how badly I am treated by my fiancé’s side of the family. After 10 minutes of being here, her numb nuts cousin purposely hits me on my bad knee asking how my knee is doing. Wow. What an asshole. I’ve been ignored the rest of the time here and the only times I’ve moved is when my stomach has been upset from the brunch that was served. I’m still not enjoying myself at all.
Now for part 2 to this post. Friday and Saturday nights we had eaten out so I said that I wasn’t going to make or buy supper Sunday night. When it comes to supper she declares she’s not hungry so guess who has to make supper for my daughter and myself. I wasn’t mad, but I was disappointed.
Wondering what today’s going to hold for me. I’m up early and trying to fight my bad mood.
I swear I wake up in a bad mood some days. I have no idea why; maybe it’s cause of dreams I had (and can’t really remember). Plus I have a headache which doesn’t help my mood any.
Had a real disappointing weekend. Went to 2 different marketplace garage sales. A punk one Saturday with my daughter and a geek one on Sunday. Didn’t buy anything at either one; nor was I tempted too. I even had money to spend but nothing peeked my interest enough to pull out my wallet. Even supper on Sunday was kind of disappointing. I made 3 cheese Tortellini, and while it was OK, it just wasn’t what I was expecting and was still hungry afterwards.
Well after having last week off on bereavement leave; I am on a 4 day mini vacation that more like a “use your vacation time or loose it” something that I never had to worry about before. Then again I am so tired of working in my department; almost all my co-workers are freaking idiots.
I need to look harder for another position.
OK off to enjoy my mini-vacation